I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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