i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
