i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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