they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize