it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
