Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
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you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So vagazzling was a success
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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