U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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