that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
