Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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