Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
