I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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