He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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