Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
