drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
