It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
