Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
