his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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