dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
