Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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