I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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