I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
