remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We need to get me chipped asap
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
