I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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