meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
