wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
