am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
