i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
