Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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