I want to have your abortion
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
