Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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