She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
