I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
