you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
