Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
