Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
