remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
