I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
