Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
