i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She announced her abortion via fbk
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
