I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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