Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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