Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
