I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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