; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Randomize
