also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
