Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
