Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
