All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
