It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
