maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
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