I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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