happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
