***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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