So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
