I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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