that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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