6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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