Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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