she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
