For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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