remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
