note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
