Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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