You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
