pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
