Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
