The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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