you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
