Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
