I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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