So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
