dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
