the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
