he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
