I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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