Do you still have your period?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
