Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
