Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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