You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
COCAINE IS GR8
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
