You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's blow job season.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
