I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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