Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
