addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it was like eating out sand paper
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
bring money and cleavage
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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