a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
