he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
