And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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