the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
