what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
